...relishing the feel of face on floor....

ahhh, the sweet stench of failure!!! the all-enveloping caress of a job not well done. dissolving in an avalanche of self-administered rebukes & insults.

after several days lurking in my little hobbit hole, i find myself out there once again - standing on my mat in front of a room full of strangers - some warm, others,well, less so. hold your applause, bate thy breath as she stands before you now - attempting another round of her endless juggling act - ball one - attempt to say something stunning and original, enlightening, and real. ball two - observe as she fumbles to effortlessly guide a room full of variegated bodies thru a series of complex yet beautifully choreographed maneuvers and spiritual acrobatics. ball three - ahhh, screw it.

open mouth - insert foot. it's one of those moments you fear. you look around the room, and you know it - you've lost it - worse yet, them, you've lost them - a room full of people - staring blankly back at you - looking for guidance - peering - what next? and you go ahead - make one final attempt to pull up the creases of your mouth, a maniacal and last-ditch effort, open your arms, dive out into space - and fall. squarely. on your grinning, sheepish face.

man. that's just the thing. we try so hard to brace ourselves against failure - the sinking feeling that you've put yourself out there - attempted something formerly beyond your limits - and failed. what's worse, with a room full of witnesses to boot. but then you gotta wonder.... how far did anyone ever get just playing it safe? lounging, lazy & all too comfortable, splashing in the shallows of one's own life. who knows what waking horrors or delights lay just beyond the 3-foot line. you might find out the waters go much deeper than you ever dreamed, you may find yourself wriggling, @ times gasping for air... but then again... if you never leave the safety of your own small boat... how do you ever know the beauty of the ocean floor, the feel of salty waves on skin, and the brimming, endless joy... of swimming in that deep blue sea. nothing risked & nothing gained.

they say leap and the net will appear. but sometimes all that comes back up to greet you is a murky, muddy pool of your own stinky shit.even so.armed with my floaties & a steely-eyed grin... watch... as she attempts to do the impossible. once. more.