..this past week has found me flummoxed, and pissy. a last night text-conversation with my friend reads something like her offering to come over and cook dinner for me and me telling her to best keep her distance till the spell of the grumpy bee-atch has run its course. and why? i talk to people every day who have real problems so much greater than mine. if anything, my issues come down more to those of the mind than those of the body. i am blessed. so amazingly. and yet, sometimes, it's all i can do to remind myself to get up each day, start again, that life is bountiful and good, that there is a world of shimmering possibility blooming right there at my feet. step in.
something about seeing the forest for the trees, the mountains for the valleys, the flowers for the shit in the soil.... i guess it all just depends what you're looking at....
my parents spoonfed me on biblical lore and sometimes pieces of that mythic language will find their way back into my ever-looping conversation.. and i'm thinking of this one story... this woman & her family are being ferried away by angels .... their city behind them is going down in an avalanche of celestial schrapnel and the one thing they tell her is to "Don't Look Back!". as she's being carried to safety and freedom & life, her whole family and self intact, they tell her, don't look back on what you've left - on what is lost. And she does. and then right there, she is turned into a pillar of salt....
and this week I feel that. the tug of the old, snapdragon demons.. tugging at my sleeve, imploring me to give in - turn my back on the possibility that lays before me and plant my feet in the sludge of bygone memories & dreams.... and the message is clear.... that house of dreams - well, baby, it's on fire.. and you're running toward the haven of beyond... what is.... keep your feet on the path, and your head cocked forward..... and don't stop until you reach a place - a clearing in your mind - where you can bless it, release it..... and leave the past behind.
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