my tai chi teacher says that when life gets hectic the first things we stop doing are those we love and enjoy. so, i suppose it is only natural that when the dawn of 90-hour weeks began for me at school, my beloved blog was one of the first things to fall by the wayside. and then there's today...
this morning i was called into the offices of the dell'arte school of physical theatre to be told that they would not be continuing the work with me the following year - read: you're out, kid. after an initial bout of tears and some poignantly-placed expletives, i found myself out under the blue sky of may, walking arm-in-arm with a friend and breathing a sigh of both sadness, but also relief.
it is as if i have been given my life back. the world has re-opened itself and the scope that exists before me is anything but narrow. i have wanted to throw myself on the pyre of some performance training program for so long now - convinced that my make-it-or-breakness in said institution would, in the end, determine whether or not i am to be an artist in this life. but truly, a piece of paper and the approving nod of a faculty member cannot tell me this. i make this road. as i go...
this morning i heard the late augusto boal quoting a spanish poet on Democracy Now:
the path does not exist. the path, you make by treading on it. by walking you make the path.
so my small footsteps proceed, unsteady, unsure as to which direction next to take. but i know that life unfolds itself to those who step forth with an open heart. so today,with a bottle of white wine from a vineyard named hope chilling in the fridge, with two juicy new books i'll now have the time to sit and read for hours, with empty hands and open heart i go.... wherever this new road leads...
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