whew! so much time away. so much time spent in oft-times fruitless pursuits... i find myself at one of those rare moments, at least for the twenty-something childless being, where myself - my Self - is temporarily removed from the center of my universe. it's amazing how one can fill the time - finding new - sometimes beautiful, other times ridiculous ways - to craft a life. what do i feel like today? what does my abundant lounging soul care to partake of in this moment? so much time and energy devoted to the ever-persistent task of finding self-fulfillment, meaning, what have you.
and then you come to that ever-nagging fork in the road.. where you see, ever so clearly yet again... yup. this - this whole messy gorgeous, crazy shca-bang - well, as mama told you growing up at times "It ain't all about you, kid."
i'll spare my gentle reader all the messy details. suffice to say - grad school - that new thing this whole readership was now supposed to revolve around - now a happy, yet irrepresably less important detail to be dealt with.
tonight i find myself troubled by demons that are not so much my own.. but the inherited sort. the kind of pain that can span many a generation and linger on for only who knows how long.. and i know.. as i tell myself this again and again - this all happens for a reason...
but for this evening, my burdens are not my own.. but they bear down on me so much more the heavily than anything i could have wrought upon myself....
perhaps one more "gift" of this ever-coming adulthood.. as the journey unfolds, so too, the skeletons.. from not one, but many a closet come forth to dance and revel and wail... and i am taken aback.. but i think...
all right. give me the strength to dance... All the More.
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